serenity vol. 1: finding your serenity

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self•lationship: serenity volume 1

se·ren·i·ty

/səˈrenədē/

noun

  1. the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

    “an oasis of serenity amidst the bustling city”


When you see the word SERENITY, what comes to mind? For me, I see and hear the words “serene, peace, calm and focus,” in my mind. I even think of Serena Williams, just cause her name is similar to it LOL and obviously seeing how dope she is brings me peace. Either way, I think of good things, good people, and good spaces.

I see beyond cluttered rooms, homes, cars, kitchens and minds. I simply see clarity. That is one of the reasons I use SERENITY in so much of my branding. By signing off each week on my YouTube videos and in my past blog posts with the phrase, Serenity, Smiles and Positive Vibes,” I am wishing my readers and viewers well. I am speaking a comfort over their lives, even if just for a few minutes to a moment.

Now more specifically, when I speak to my sisters, my friends and anyone close to me, I want them to feel the same love that I have been trying so hard to pour into myself. This has been one heck of a journey for me in terms of healing but I refuse to slow down. As a single Black Woman and just a Black Woman in this world in general, I am not automatically granted peace of mind the way others are in this world. I am not allowed to be simply me.

We are told that we are too rough, too loud, sometimes even labeled masculine for the darkness of our hues or the bellow in some of our voices. We aren’t tiny enough to be considered dainty or extra feminine. Yet, if we are comfortable dressing or presenting/identifying as masculine, we are shut down too. On the flip side, if we are too quiet or present our boundaries with others in a firm manner, we all of a sudden have an “Attitude problem.”



No matter what you do as a Black Woman, you are viewed, consumed and judged. Now pair that with not having a “Knight in Shining Armour,” by your side, you are now considered, “lacking something.”

I am here to remind you that all of these things are severely untrue. You are more than enough even if there are people who may consider you too much. With that in mind, never forget that you are more than enough for yourself too.

Because we aren’t afforded the same levels of privilege in terms of peace, it is important for us to build and foster our own. That is where finding your own serenity comes in. What makes you smile? What kinds of shows have you giggling nonstop? What foods fill your belly with pure satisfaction? What activities bring you joy? Who do you feel the most safe with? Where is your tribe?

By focusing on fostering energies of peace in and around your life, you begin to find your serenity in the smallest ways leading to the bigger ones. Now you are learning and leaning into who you are which helps others to know you more. If we don’t know ourselves, we can’t expect others to.

So I ask you again, where and how do you find your serenity from day to day? Comment below, I would love to know!

In the meantime, my top 5 ways to find serenity include the following:

  1. Coffee shops.

  2. Being a Creative.

  3. Going to the beach.

  4. Devouring Haitian food.

  5. Long talks with people I love.

blk girl chill vibes playlist

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Happy Sunday ladies!

Last night before I dozed off I decided to create another public music playlist (this is my 6th one this year so far) but this one is extra special. It was created with you all in mind. Often times as Black Women we are constantly working extra hard, doing double time for us personally and for those around us. But sometimes we just need a moment to lay back, get comfortable and enjoy some quality sounds.


So I decided to put together a playlist full of songs that you can play while you’re driving to work, running errands, cooking or getting ready for bed. This playlist is all about you and bringing a little piece of serenity to you throughout your normal day to day routine.

It has music from a range of Black Women artists who simply put my spirit at peace when I hear them and these specific songs. The whole vibe is really laid back, hence the name, “Chill vibes.” I hope you all enjoy!

(Warning: Some songs are explicit so just be aware if you are playing it around your children or other young ones.)

Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,

Sophonie


introducing self•lationship

self care, self love, selflationship

the birth of self•lationship.

self•lationship is an idea born to me around 3am on a random April night during mandatory Covid-19 quarantine. I have been single for quite some time now and unfortunately I sometimes associate that with negative thoughts. The good thing is, I’m in therapy so trust me I’ve been doing the work to get rid of those negative thoughts and my negative perception towards relationships. Thanks to therapy I have been doing some much needed reflection. In doing so, self•lationship was developed.


We hear so much about how to work on relationships outside of ourselves but what about the one within? Self-care propaganda has stormed the battlefields of Instagram influencers all over the place. But what exactly does it all mean? Is self-care just spa days, mani, pedi, massages, and facials?

No, it is not. Self-care asks one to look all the way within to see what self truly needs. What will make you feel good not only in the moment but can also contribute to more feeling good later on down the line. That my friends, is the true definition of self-care.


self•lationship is that a direct result from my own methods of personal care merged with what I’ve observed from others. self•lationship is the true essence of one’s relationship with themselves.

3am pandemic thoughts.


Selflationship|Selflationship|

Self-lationship is a self-love blog dedicated to uplifting the spirits of single Black Women. This is a blog centered around the love you deserve to give yourself throughout your life, no matter who is or isn’t around. Whether you desire to be in a relationship one day, or not, this a space for you to heal, be real and chill. Cheers to finding a place of solitude, self-care and serenity!