I Write, Therefore I Am

black blogger, black girl blogger, life advice

Today I woke up with a certain fire under my behind to simply get going. Without a specific direction or idea, but simply to make my bed, fix breakfast and go. While eating breakfast I found five words constantly playing in my mind. “I write, therefore I am.” I’ve seen this quote quite a bit online within the last year. I had no clue where it originated and still cannot seem to find one specific source. However, what I did find is the original source of its concept. Read below to see what I found on Britannica after a quick Google search .

Cogito, ergo sum, (Latin: “I think, therefore I am) dictum coined by the French philosopher René Descartes in his Discourse on Method (1637) as a first step in demonstrating the attainability of certain knowledge. It is the only statement to survive the test of his methodic doubt.

So when I say “I write, therefore I am,” it means because I do the writing thing then ultimately I am a writer. If I do not write or practice it often then how can I claim this title? Many writers have come before me and many will come after me but my focus cannot remain solely on them. My focus must be refined, structured and catered to my very own purpose. So many times we are distracted from the plan for our life due to our focus on the steps set out in front of our neighbor’s house. Say that out loud three times or more until you are able to fully take it in, comprehend and process it.

I remember in my college Creative Writing courses, I would feel bad that I didn’t know certain authors or books but didn’t realize that it was due to who I am. I didn’t grow up in a house full of writers or even readers for that matter. My home structure did however include several creatives that worked with their hands to create beauty in the form of art or design in the form of decor, cakes, clothing even, music and makeup. But I was among one of the only ones who solely focused on the fusing of thoughts into words that became worlds.

My inspiration for writing didn’t always come from simply reading the classics or books at all, often times it came from observing the creatives around me or the ones I admired on TV. I wrote from a different place of inspiration and a lot of times that place was sacred to me alone. I have cried immensely while writing at times because the words coming through felt so damn powerful. At the start of this piece, I began tearing up and had to step away to wipe my face with a tissue before I could continue.

My writing isn’t about other people and yours shouldn’t be either. I felt a sense of lack or immaturity in college when my classmates who were mainly white would discuss their love for certain authors I had never even heard of. I felt compelled to read those works to feel caught up but eventually that feeling disappeared. I had to reconcile within myself that my love for writing came from different places and mostly Black writers and creatives. I was 12 years old reading E. Lynn Harris, a Queer writer who was so transparent in his public life and in the worlds he created within his books. It is from artists like himself that I truly began to learn what it meant to simply write freely. Take the limits off of yourself, your work, and ultimately your purpose. You can truly shapeshift into the beautiful, wonderful creative being you have always been deep down inside.

My focus must be refined, structured and catered to my very own purpose.

For so many years I have doubted myself even in the face of compliments and accolades from others. Who am I to be as great as the contemporary writers who have written pounds of greatness before I was even a thought? But the flaw with that mindset is that we begin to pigeonhole ourselves into this space of lack. We begin to doubt ourselves in every way imaginable. If I am doubting myself as a writer, something I have been since the tender age of 8 years old, then I will continue to doubt myself in everything else that I do.

The issue with not feeling good enough is that it stems from the idea that everything you do must be seen as pleasing or palatable to the surrounding world. Instead of having the strength to reassure yourself that your work is valid, as are you, you depend on the validation of society to keep you grounded. When in reality, keeping you grounded is a form of suppression. Being able to simply do what makes your heart sing without any restrictions is a beautiful thing. This is the space in which I want to live my life. I want to be in the space of writing freely. Creating without focusing on what it will turn out like or who will enjoy it and who will not. I want to stop focusing on the money aspect of it all. Que Sera Sera (Whatever will be, will be). What is meant for me will also be. I cannot force it by worrying, I cannot force it by hustling beyond my capability nor capacity. I can only do what I can do. That is the truth and fullness of it.

Instead of having the strength to reassure yourself that your work is valid, as are you, you depend on the validation of society to keep you grounded. When in reality, keeping you grounded is a form of suppression.

As a child I wrote because it felt good. The worlds along with the characters I created brought me comfort and joy when I was going through. I had always imagined that eventually those same stories would bring joy to others but then somewhere along the lines it all stopped. Dreams, reality, and perspective became one big blur of doubt. “I can’t survive off of writing,” or “I’ve never seen anyone in my family be super successful from their creative pursuits, so who am I to be that one?”

What I should have been asking myself is, “Who am I not to be?” When we are used to living in scarcity, doubt becomes second nature. But so does resourcefulness, so instead of remaining in the spirit of doubt I plan on living in the spirit of hope and faith. I am going to challenge myself to write everyday. Even if I am uninspired, I will write something. It can be in my journal or on my blog. Regardless of what it is, I will write. I will write everyday for as long as it takes until I write as second nature. It is not something I do in passing, rather it is something that I do actively.

I write, therefore I am.

Featured Image

re-Discovering Sophonie

black blogger, black girl blogger, black woman writer, blog, healing, inspiration, inspirational blog, mental health

Today is Sunday, August the 8th, 2021. A few days ago I experienced something within a dating situation that really threw me off guard. Dating is not my favorite thing to do nor is it my favorite subject. However, if there is one thing dating always does for me, is allow me the chance to get into a mode of introspection. I am not one to say that I am flawless because that would be the furthest thing from the truth. I am flaw filled and fully aware of that. So although I would have enjoyed that dating experience to continue further in terms of us getting to know each other, I refuse to have any negative blood towards that person. I truly think that we were simply not aligned and that is okay.

Now what does this have to do with the title of this blog? You know there is always a method to my madness, so here it goes. Towards the end of June, I moved to Delaware. A few years back I could never see myself here but it has truly brought a newfound peace to my life. I’ve always been a city girl, no matter what state I resided in and I thought Jersey was it forever. But it was time for a change. I laugh at myself because when the idea was first brought up by my sister, I thought to myself, “What the hell is there to do in Delaware and also how am I going to flourish creatively?”

Anyways, right before moving, I had my very last therapy session since my insurance would no longer be valid since I had to leave my full time job. I recall my therapist asking me, “What would you call this phase of your life?” I replied by saying, “Discovering Sophonie.” That phrase felt so fitting and still does.

For the purpose of this blog, I added the prefix “re-,” because truth is I think that as children we know ourselves pretty well. It is the world that taints us and eventually we lose sense of who we truly are. Then when we get older, we become bitter in ways that makes no sense until we do the inner work. We begin to wonder why do we view ourselves negatively or even others? What about our inner child was so wounded that we now aren’t able to function freely and simply be who we are? We begin to feel lost or just out of place in damn near every section of our lives.

I have been experiencing this for maybe the last 5 years or so of my life. Trying to re-discover myself. As a child acting and writing were the only things I could seriously see myself doing as a career. Then in middle school, I discovered my love of Psychology and I added that to my list of passions. Now at 27, I sit here feeling out of place more times than not because I have not found the way to make any of these passions turn into an actual career. It feels like the last few years I have simply been playing ring around the rosie with life. No actual direction.

Regardless of those feelings, I am learning that the real issue is never centering myself enough to fully and truly understand what my own needs are. Allowing what I’ve been conditioned to believe about myself due to society, religion and family infiltrate my mind is what tends to hold me back. The idea that we don’t care what others say or think about us is genuinely bullshit for most of us. I’ve said it so many times but have never fully believed it myself. I do care how others feel about me and that is exactly why I tend to suffer.

I am not saying any of this for sympathy or even empathy at that but rather opening up the conversation that in order for us to actually heal, we have to be willing to accept and be ourselves regardless of what others think. You can still care about their opinions but allowing those opinions to stop you from living your life will never get you far in life.

The journey of healing is one that is constant, just as life is. So long as we are alive, I believe we have the opportunity to continue healing and ultimately grow. I may not fully understand this phase of my life but I guess that is the focal point of it. After all, it is a moment to rediscover who I am, what I want, what I need and where I want my life to be. No matter how many people or friends I go to for advice, the only person who can help along this discovery of self, is me.

The Highs, The Lows

inspiration, inspirational blog, life advice

There are naturally highs and lows in life. Often times we embrace the highs because well duh who doesn’t like to feel good?? I’m not saying to embrace the lows to the point of no return BUT understand that the lows remind you to be appreciative of those high moments. I’m forever a work in progress. I’ve gotta let go of the idea that things will be set in stone. Life’s twists and turns will remain fluid and I’m a-okay with that.

My new goal for the rest of the year and my life really, is to be okay with what each day brings. Whether the day brings a high or a low, I’m going to plant my feet in the soil of those moments and embrace life regardless. I am going to remember that life isn’t always all that bad. I can choose to stay stuck in the lows or find some highs.

There is always joy tucked somewhere beneath the surface that you may not openly see. Find that joy, embrace it and keep right on pushing. Of course there will be moments where I may feel so low that it’ll be hard to embrace life but I will be patient with myself and allow that feeling to have its moment. Then once that feeling passes, I can continue on with the highs.

One of the ways I choose to embrace life everyday is by finding a song that brings me joy. I’m always discussing how much music means to me and honestly it’s one of my favorite gifts from God’s creations. With that said, I want to start implementing a song into certain posts to help bring you all some joy as well. It also helps motivate me to write more when music is playing so you’ll have an idea of what music inspires me.

Anyways, today I share with you a classic ballad by the high priestess of soul herself, the Queen Nina Simone. It’s one of those songs you can expect to hear in pretty much any movie across any genre.

That upbeat feel to it just makes you wanna grab life by the shoulders and show it who’s boss. It’s also said to be one of the songs that are able to raise your vibrational levels and literally pick your mood right back up. Check out this article that discusses music that can raise your vibrational energy and how it happens too. Energy is a powerful thing y’all. Be careful with the energy you’re picking up or putting down in the world. 

P.S. I choose that photo as my featured image because that was a day I was choosing to embrace life fully and it brings me joy when I see it 

Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,

  

You Are Not Burdensome…You Are a Blessing

inspiration, inspirational blog, life advice, mental health

#ThrowbackBlogSeries

DISCLAIMER: The following post is an original post from my first blog She.Is.Splendid. Over the next few months I will be sharing some of my favorite and most impactful pieces with you all. Enjoy! Please make sure to comment and share with someone who makes you smile.

Please enjoy the song below while you read. Rest in Power Bill Withers. ❤

Do you ever feel as if you are a burden to others in some way?

I hope and pray your answer to this is no BUT if it is not, that is okay. I have felt that way for most my life and the great news is that we are not alone. (Come on now, you know misery loves company.)

Alright let’s get serious here. As a child I often had this strange feeling that I was in some way a burden to others. This feeling of being burdensome extended from friends to family. While no one in particular ever expressed that I was a burden to them, somehow deep down inside I always felt that way anyways. As I matured into a young woman this feeling of being burdensome grew right alongside me and followed me into the relationships I formed with men and platonic friendships as well. No matter how much other people have attempted to convince me otherwise, in my head it was always this idea that I held others down (and not in a ride or die kind of way).

FYI: This post isn’t going to be some major “Here’s how I got over it,” story, but it is meant to be an outlet for others who may feel the same.

In recent conversation with someone close to me I had to be reminded of the beauty that exists within having loved ones around who are there to support you. As an individual who has a lot of pride, is EXTREMELY independent, and who enjoys being fully self-sufficient it is difficult for me to be vulnerable or anyway dependent on others. However, within the past year it appears the recurring theme God is revealing to me is the need for “transparency,” and “vulnerability.”

Sometimes it is actually okay to depend on others. This does not in any way make you a leech or a horrible person (unless of course you can provide for yourself but choose to use others but that’s another story). So, no matter how much I desire to be completely independent, unfortunately in life that’s impossible. There will be a point in time when we all will need help from someone or somewhere. When those times come we shouldn’t assume that we are being a burden to others.

We are all in this world together with different strengths and different weaknesses. We are supposed to help lift others up as we also climb and vice versa. There is never a reason you should ever feel as if your existence or mere presence is a burden on others. By definition the word burden means “a load, especially a heavy one,” and burdensome means “difficult to carry out or fulfill.” Now when you see those two definitions side by side, does that sound like something that can be applied to a person and more importantly does that sound like it applies to you in the least bit? I know when I read it; it most certainly does not define me or my existence.
 

“There will be a point in time when we all will need help from someone or somewhere.”

I want you to really think about the aforementioned definitions, “Am I a load? Am I difficult to carry?” While we may all have our emotional and mental baggage, none of that is too difficult for us to carry when we have the proper support. Now if we choose to carry it all on our own then I can understand a feeling of heaviness within ourselves. But, this is why we need to be open to being more vulnerable with those who we trust.

“There is never a reason you should ever feel as if your existence or mere presence is a burden on others.

Now, I know we may not all have someone in our corner directly so perhaps reaching out to strangers (yes strangers) might be helpful. There are hotlines or now even apps where you can reach out to volunteers and professionals that will help you sort through issues you may not be able to sort through with family or friends. Nevertheless, I want you to understand that you and I, we all come with our own personal issues but we also come with just as many solutions for this world. You may not feel it or see it now but you help move the world forward every single day.

We contribute just as much to this world as the next person does. It may not be regarded as grand as the Oprah’s, Obama’s, or even Beyoncé’s of the world but it still damned good. We all have our individual purposes in this world and if you are a believer you know that God sent you to earth with an assignment specifically designed for you. So whenever you begin to view yourself as a burden in anyway, please remember that you are needed, necessary and most certainly NOT a load for someone to carry. We have burdens in life but we are NOT burdensome. We should be allowed to take up space and fill this world with all of our awesomeness. You have a space in this world and you have a place designated just for you.

With that said, I want you all to keep these main points in mind:

1) You are in NO way a burden

2) You deserve to take up space in this world

3) You have a place & purpose on earth

4) You are a blessing to others

5) Sometimes we need support & that is okay

 

Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,

 

P.S. For those who may not be comfortable with reaching out to family or friends about any feelings of being burdensome or any other issues below are a few links of helpful resources.

TalkSpace (An app for therapy on iOS and Android)

 BetterHelp

MentalHelp.net

PsychCentral

self-care is self love

self care, self help, self love, self love blog, selflationship

self•lationship: self-care vol.1

Self-care, self love, self this, self that. The last five years of social media and TV has been flooded with this not so new phenomenon but it’s become somewhat of a revolution. To put down everything and center yourself in order to find peace within your life. This is something that many of us, especially as Black Women haven’t been allowed room to do. In fact it goes even further when you are a mother, a wife, caregiver of any sort, or all of the above. Hence why I see it as something that is revolutionary. To stand up and say, “Hey world, I f*ckin love myself too much to allow anyone or anything to disrupt that peace.” It’s a beautiful thing to envision but even more beautiful to experience.

I can’t lie and say I’ve fully reached that moment. However, I am pretty damn close. Today’s post originated in a personal journal entry but it felt more proper to be shared with you all. So I hope that you enjoy!

For your listening pleasure:

A Love Supreme is one of my all time favs by John Coltrane. When considering love, why must we always make it about romance? I wish self-mance was a thing too. Matter of fact it should be. We fight our entire lives to sweep others off their feet or to be swept off of our own. We are on a constant pursuit of happiness for others yet doing so for ourselves hasn’t been fully normalized.

I don’t believe God intended for us to live our lives for other people. If so, we would all be born together and be the same person. Sounds weird right? So is living for others. Today I’m calling on my single, separated and divorced ladies to love on yourself supremely. You deserve it.


Now what does loving yourself supremely even look like? The journey of self love is one that I believe must include lots of healing. Consider the ways in which we are conditioned in society and again especially as women.

Most things we are do are supposed to appease the male gaze or the general masses. Meaning, if you do not fit the standard of beauty for society, then more times than not you are set to the side. Does that mean you are no longer useful? Absolutely not. As Black Women, our beauty and value has often been conflated with what it is that we can provide others.

How can we make a man feel good? How can we make white people feel comfortable around us? How can we change our hair or dialect to fit in to Corporate America?

So many layers of us have been stripped away, only to be stolen time and time again. Our layers are then plastered onto the bodies of others in a more a “acceptable,” way. This is why healing is important especially for my fellow single Black Women.

Simply being single doesn’t single you out from the beauty of life. It also doesn’t mean you are incapable of being happy fully and wholly by yourself.


So what can you do to find self love and ultimately self-care? You can start by finding out what really makes you smile. No, I mean really really makes you smile.

Is it reruns of Living Single all day? (That’s me LOL). Is it how you brew your coffee in the morning? Or is it simple walks in the park taking in all of God’s beautiful artwork aka nature?

Whatever that thing is, search for it, define it and begin to apply it more in your life on the daily. If it’s binge watching shows, try to be careful with that. I don’t want you become addicted to TV.

Anyways, it’s important for us to find those activities and moments that motivate us to be happy every single day.

Then as we start to implement those activities in our lives, we begin to feel lighter, freer and hopefully happier. This isn’t a one size fits all situation.

Some of us need a deeper self-care which brings me to the next thought. There are things that have occurred in our lives, whether to us or those around us that have detrimentally impacted us our entire life. However, we may not even notice it.

Sometimes we are suffering from pain that isn’t even ours to hold. Burdens too broad for our own shoulders. This is why going a step further by seeking therapy, community groups and other similar forms of assistance are essential.

I personally say this all the time, I’ve tried therapy several times and am currently in it now. This is the first year that I have really seen the difference in my life.

I’ve learned about boundaries, giving myself grace and room to grow. Being more patient with life in itself. Understanding how much of a process true healing is. As my therapist always says, “Healing is not linear.”

In other words, it is not a one size fits all process. There layers to it, there are layers to us and layers to finally reaching that place of peace.

So what is self-care?

Self-Care is:

  1. Learning your boundaries

  2. Knowing your boundaries

  3. Accepting your boundaries

  4. Applying your boundaries

  5. Sticking to your boundaries

When I say boundaries, this can apply to a myriad of things in your life. What you will accept from yourself, your partner, people at work, at school, your children and hell even strangers. Self-care is creating a safe environment for yourself to not only survive in but to thrive in. For some of us that can be the simple moments of drinking tea, doing yoga, mediating and praying. Either way, it is what you set out for yourself to indulge in peacefully.


With that said, while self-care can certainly be spa days, movie nights, wine nights, brunch, Netflix binges, mani/pedi trips, eating a tub of ice cream, working out, eating right, not eating right etc. the list goes on. Hell even masturbation is a form of self-care but y’all not ready for me to get that deep on here LOL. If that’s not your thing, keep scrolling.

All in all, it is all about learning what does and does not work for you. Self-care is doing the work which includes all of the things mentioned above. Self-care is self love because you’ve taken the time out to know yourself. To know yourself is to nurture yourself and to do that is show yourself a love supreme.

Your Good Sis,

Sophonie

Live Your Best Life RIGHT Now!

inspiration, inspirational blog, inspo blog

#ThrowbackBlogSeries

DISCLAIMER: The following post is an original post from my first blog She.Is.Splendid. Over the next few months I will be sharing some of my favorite and most impactful pieces with you all. Enjoy! Please make sure to comment and share with someone who makes you smile.

For your listening pleasure:



Throughout this past year I’ve been on a self discovery like no other. I’ve learned to appreciate and see value in parts of my life I had once never seen. I’ve learned the true power of positive thinking and activated the law of attraction into my life. There’s so much more I could dish out to you about my improved mindset but I want this to be about you, splendid reader.

If you can allow yourself to get caught up in some of the atrocities of this world it will hinder you from a lot which is why learning how to focus more on the positivity that exists is so important. Of course there are times when we need to address issues for what they are but don’t forget to embrace the blessings, big and small.

Just last month I visited Mexico and as mentioned in my last Focus Friday Post I lost my wallet. Unfortunately I went crazy for about two days straight thinking it was left at the airport there but the following Sunday night I received an email from the airline that it was actually found at the airport back here in the states.

You see, when I focused all of my energy on the issue in that moment it wasn’t at all helpful. I did what it is that I needed to do which was follow proper protocols such as filing a report and such. However, even after doing all that I still felt the need to panic as if that would make it all better. Well, it didn’t but you knew that splendid reader because you are super smart (hence how you stumbled upon this blog and this post).


I want to keep this short and sweet for you so I need you to pay close attention here. Our energy in life is extremely sacred and it is up to each individual to be safe keepers of their own energy. When we allow ourselves to exert so much energy and devote copious amounts of time in the direction of what we don’t want, then we are preventing good things from coming our way. For some folks this idea is called “blocking your blessings,” or for others they say “you are getting in your own way.”

“Our energy in life is extremely sacred and it is up to each individual to be safe keepers of their own energy.”

With all that said, I realized that in the moment that my wallet went missing I immediately blocked the blessing of its return to me. I panicked, freaked out cried, and kept calling the airport back in Mexico. I even made a whole list of numbers to call from both airports. I googled the different department numbers and such. Granted, yes it made sense to reach out and make reports. However, when I look back on the way that I went about it, I became obsessive.


By the time Sunday evening came around a few days after I lost my wallet, I had already settled into the idea that finding it was no longer a concern. I came to terms with the fact that after all the wallet and its contents are replaceable. So in my mind I remained hopeful but also realized excessively ruminating on the matter wouldn’t do me any good. Thus, I allowed the universe to bring me whatever it was that I had manifested through previous good deeds and actions towards others. There have been several times throughout college where I found lost student ID’s and I immediately found a way to reach out to these individuals. Then during Mardi Gras this year back in New Orleans a man had dropped his license and I automatically picked up trying to find a way to get it back to him. Thankfully he had already started to walk back towards the area he had lost it. Of course on all of these occasions I was thanked abundantly.

“So in my mind I remained hopeful but also realized excessively ruminating on the matter wouldn’t do me any good.”

While this may sound bizarre to some, I truly do believe the universe and God blessed me enough to find my wallet. Rather than sitting around solely concerned with how life could get better for me, I allowed it to simply get better as a result of what I had already worked for. You see, living your best life isn’t about working yourself to the bone in an effort to make it. Don’t get me wrong, there is work to be done but you need to know when it is time to sit back and receive what life has in store for you.

So now, splendid reader tell me again what is holding you back from living your best or most splendid life? Are you blocking your blessings by thinking too much about how to get those blessings in the first place? Are you focused on the wrong things or consumed in negativity?

“You see, living your best life isn’t about working yourself to the bone in an effort to make it.”

If you are consumed in negativity, it is important for you to think of ways to remove yourself from that space. One of the ways I did so was by taking a social media hiatus from specific sites that usually put me in a troubled mindset. One of the ways I’ve allowed blessings to flow straight to me is by doing the work and moving on. Once you’ve done what you need to do for a situation it is okay to move on (i.e. my wallet story). In essence, as cliche as it is, I have been the sole blessing blocker of myself by focusing my energy in places that it didn’t need to be.

Nevertheless, in order for you to live your best life you’ve got to put yourself into that mindset first. Being consumed in negativity, being caught up with people who hold you back or in circumstances that stunt your growth is not the way to live your best life.

Today’s Takeaway

  1. Our energy is too sacred to continuously focus on what is troubling us, so focus your energy more on what you want versus what you don’t want.

  2. Do the work and move forward which will allow the blessings to flow your way.

  3. Remove yourself from negative situations as much as possible (i.e. people, jobs, social media etc).

  4. Be prepared for blessings.

Serenity, Smiles, & Positive Vibes,

Just Sophonie

Sometimes Life Sucks but…

inspiration, life advice, lifestyle

#ThrowbackBlogSeries

DISCLAIMER: The following post is an original post from my first blog She.Is.Splendid. Over the next few months I will be sharing some of my favorite and most impactful pieces with you all. Enjoy! Please make sure to comment and share with someone who makes you smile.

…here’s how to make it suck less.

Yeah, yeah I know this blog is meant to uplift people and inspire them throughout their day BUT I feel I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t offer up some raw unedited feelings from time to time.


I've discussed this in previous posts and I'm sure I'll do so in more posts. However, it's been on my heart lately. Dealing with depression as a writer & creative is seriously draining to my art. Depression for anyone I'm sure is draining but as a writer we get a lot of our best work done in times of solitude. This need to be alone can appear as if we are pushing others away and sometimes that can be the case. However, there are other times when we simply don't want to burden others with our feelings of depression or simply can't bear to be around others. I know that sounds like a lot and well that's because it is. - I for one appreciate being alone or in my own space more than anything just because of who I am overall. In fact, if I had a mansion to myself & I had family or friends over from time to time, after a while you would probably find me chilling in the guest house on my lonesome to get a breath from others. But that is just my introverted nature to do so. Perhaps that also attributes to my depression but we can talk about that another time. 

I’ve discussed this in previous posts and I’m sure I’ll do so in more posts. However, it’s been on my heart lately. Dealing with depression as a writer & creative is seriously draining to my art. Depression for anyone I’m sure is draining but as a writer we get a lot of our best work done in times of solitude. This need to be alone can appear as if we are pushing others away and sometimes that can be the case. However, there are other times when we simply don’t want to burden others with our feelings of depression or simply can’t bear to be around others. I know that sounds like a lot and well that’s because it is.

I for one appreciate being alone or in my own space more than anything just because of who I am overall. In fact, if I had a mansion to myself & I had family or friends over from time to time, after a while you would probably find me chilling in the guest house on my lonesome to get a breath from others. But that is just my introverted nature to do so. Perhaps that also attributes to my depression but we can talk about that another time. 

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and personal development. One of the recurring themes is that “we control our lives, moods and emotions.” To a certain extent I do find this to be true. Often times it’s our reaction that causes more stress than anything. However, I feel like a hypocrite when trying to adapt these ideologies to my life when I’ve suffered with this since I was at least 11 years old. Now what triggered the onset is debatable and I’m not sure that I’m ready to discuss that in an open forum as such at the moment. 

Often times it’s our reaction that causes more stress than anything.

Nevertheless, I’m writing this to say mental illness and true unhappiness is a complex problem that can’t simply be cured with some motivational quotes or phrases. The quotes I post on my blog, Instagram and Facebook daily are simply to spark something in people to make them feel good even if it’s for a moment. I just want others to feel good all the time when they see my posts. It’s impossible perhaps to always feel happy but to feel good, there’s always something that can give us that feeling even in times of despair. 

With that said, I understand that life can suck sometimes but honestly the best way to get over it, is to find something that gives you joy even if it is for a moment. Now this can get tricky and I don’t want people to think I’m advocating for bad behaviors. Some of us have vices that may bring us a good feeling but might not be as helpful to our overall well-being. So in that case, if you know that little thing that makes you feel good isn’t going to do good for you overtime, I urge you to find something else. 

Alright so let’s get into this here list (one of my favorite types of posts tbh).

I understand that life can suck sometimes but honestly the best way to get over it, is to find something that gives you joy even if it is for a moment.

1. Find your splendor


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So above this list I mentioned finding your joy or that thing that makes you happy. Honestly, I know that this can be difficult when you are sitting in your mess, your depression, your awful situation or whatever your problem might be. But, if for a few seconds, perhaps 15 to be exact you can think of what truly brings you joy and write that down. Try your best to find a way to get up and do that thing you love but if you can’t, at least think about it. If you love going for walks, eating ice cream or dancing. Perhaps, you are so down that you can’t even get up. Then think about it! Think about that walk. Think about dancing. Think about that awesome cone of Mint Chocolate ice cream you could be having right now.

2. Allow yourself to feel your feelings


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Often times all these happy-go-lucky posts online (including mine) try to shove happy quotes and thoughts down your throat when the truth of the matter is sometimes that shit just don’t and won’t work for you at the moment. This is when I say “FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.” That is the only way to truly get to the root of the issue. If you don’t feel the pain or the harsh emotions, how will you know what needs to fixed? A doctor can’t treat your bruise if it isn’t visible. Just like a dentist can’t yank your tooth out if you don’t first report that your teeth are in pain. Feel what you are feeling and get to the bottom of it so you can overcome this moment or moments of pain.

3. Remove your blinders


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When you are in midst, the mix and the very deep middle of your mess, you can be completely blindsided by that moment. No matter what people say to encourage may go right over your head. Every positive thought that comes to mind, you mentally swat away to enjoy your pity party. I am speaking from experience and recent moments in my own life. So if this doesn’t apply to you, please let it fly. But to my people who understand, listen those times can be hard as hell. However, we’ve got to learn to remove our blinders in that moment. We get so caught up in that pain that we almost allow it define us. That is not the way for any situation to get better. If you can’t see that there is more to life than that very issue that is making your life “suck,” how will you see the blessings coming your way? 

4. Embrace the current blessings

To continue with the last point, how can we see our current blessings if we keep our blinders on? Think about the things that you already have in life that don’t suck at the moment. Like I said, I know it’s hard. I really do but I also know that deep down inside we all know that there is at the very least one thing we can be grateful for. Look, I don’t care if your grateful for your big toes because they keep your body balanced or you’re grateful for one of your eyelashes because they protect your eyes. Find something to embrace as a blessing even in your moment of despair.

5. Do NOT get consumed in your thoughts 


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I can’t say this any louder or in any other way. When we allow our thoughts or feelings to consume us, our situation only gets worse. For example, not only is something awful already taking place but now we are reacting as if the world is over. Of course, you aren’t going to feel better. Granted, I embrace feeling your feelings but you know when you’ve allowed yourself to get consumed. That is when you need to pump the brakes and find a way to get your mind off of those thoughts. Don’t allow your thoughts to consume you, CONSUME them and discard them. You will win this battle but you’ve got to get in control of your reactions to your situations as well. 

So yes, life can suck sometimes BUT remember there are ways around that. I hope that this message has blessed someone as much as it has blessed me to write it. As always if you were moved and are now feeling splendid, please share it with someone else, comment, like and of course follow the blog as well. Have a splendid Monday and even more splendid week!

 

Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,

Just Sophonie